Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
