i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
