i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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