dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He passed out mid-signature
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize