girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize