Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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