Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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