I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
