He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
