woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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