i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
