a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
