Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
