forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
