YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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