She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
