What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
