My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
