We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
