So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
