my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize