sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
