how do flat chested girls get laid?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
