Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
