How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
