going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
