i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I look better un-naked...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
