We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
