They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This is my life. Enjoy the view
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
