i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
