the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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