if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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