i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
