i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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