I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
