This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
