yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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