I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
