You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
