I wish I could punch you in the face.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
