Soap is not a condiment
it was like eating out sand paper
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
