i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You can't motorboat a personality
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
