Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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