NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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