how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
