Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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