he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
