The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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