you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
