So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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