Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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