Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(778): View more from British Columbia

i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?

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(216): View more from Ohio

you turned your livingroom into a bong?

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(954): View more from Florida

I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again

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(303): View more from Colorado

I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!

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(256): View more from Alabama

If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends

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(559): View more from California

Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.

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