I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
