I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
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