I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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