I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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