I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
