Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
