I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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