honey bunches of taint.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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