She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
