I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Panties = found
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
