Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
