I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
