She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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