I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just gift wrapped bread.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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