happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she looked like the before picture.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Congratulations! We have a period
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
